Show #5

So back at the end of February, there was another Kalos coffee house. This one was to celebrate the 2nd issue of the arts journal put out by the seminary community. The theme was "Light." Here is the post about my submission to the journal. I had both of my cathedral window wall-hangings on display:
The night before the coffee house, I still didn't have any way to hang either wall-hanging, so I was working on sewing sleeves on the back to hold a dowel so they could hang. And then the power went out. So there I was, sitting on the living room floor, hand-sewing by candlelight. It felt so lovely and colonial. (But I must tell you...my candle-light stitching was far from impeccable.)

I got some really positive reactions to my cathedral windows. People seemed to like them. But it is a little difficult because I'm the only person who has submitted any sort of textile anything to the 2 editions of Kalos so far. So I don't know if people really get what I'm doing or not, if they see what I do as "art." I guess it doesn't really matter because these cathedral windows are really important to me and grew me in so many ways. Even so, I do hope that a fellow sewer or crafter of some sort steps up for the next issue. There are quite a few talented writers and photographers who contribute to the journal, but I think a little more diversity of media would make it better. Just my opinion.

This time, the coffee house was in a smaller, darker room, with strings of lights hung overhead. The feel was much cozier than the first coffee house, which was held in the great hall, which has terrible acoustics and is not really conducive to listening or focusing attention on the stage. Once again, I played in the open mic section of the evening. (I'm not sure what one has to do to be a part of the "regular program," but I'm not going to get into that right now.)

I asked Jason to play with me, which was a great call. I know that I'm capable of performing by myself, but when I do, all I can think about afterward are the many mistakes I made on the guitar which then made my voice a little shaky for a beat or two. It's fun for me to share my songs, but it's much more fun to have a little back-up. Enter Jason. Jason and I have tried to play my music together before. It's always been a little frustrating and slightly awkward because so many of my best songs were from a period when our relationship was really shaky, and the main content is about not wanting to marry Jason. I write from emotional overflow, so tumultuous times produce stellar songs out of me. But it makes it hard to include Jason in those songs.

I've never wanted to do music by myself. That has never been part of the plan. So I decided to try to incorporate Jason for this coffee house and just see how things went. He is a much better guitar player than I am, and our voices blend quite nicely, so there was no reason we couldn't make it work.

I flipped through my journals and songbooks to try to figure out what songs to play. Light is one of my go-to metaphors so I had quite a few to choose from. I stumbled upon this song I remembered starting a few months ago and was surprised to see it edited and finished. I don't remember doing that. It's called "Run that Darkness Down," and it is currently one of my favorite RGO's (Robin Giberson Originals)...right up there with "Orion" and "Bouncy Ball in a Blender." It saddens me that I can't upload sound clips on blogger. It seems wrong to have the lyrics here without the music. Don't get me wrong--I think they stand alone just fine, but the song is a much better experience when heard. Oh well. So as to try to include you in this lovely bit of songwriting, here are the lyrics:

Somewhere the sun is rising.
I don't know why it's hiding.
I wish it would ride out with banners flying high.
And with his tail between his legs
The dark would quickly run away
Cutting his losses, mumbling curses as he fled.
And I...I would run that darkness down.
Oh and I...I would run that darkness down.

Somewhere a breeze is blowing.
I don't know where it's going.
But if it's warm, I wish it'd pick me up on the way.
And without one backward glance
You know that I would take my chance
That breeze would carry me to a brighter kind of day.
Oh and I...I would ride out on the wind.
Yes and I...I would fly out on the wind.

It's hard to fight against the sleep
That's making all my darkest dreams
Seem like they're really real and coming after me.
So I will just turn on the light
And I will let that light fight
All of my battles 'til the morning rescues me.
And on that day...I will run that darkness down.
On that day...I will run that mean old darkness down.
Yes and I...I will run that darkness down.
Oh and I...I will run that darkness down.


So there you have it. A song that I have written in the recent past that isn't awful. Quite the contrary...I'm really proud of this song. It isn't too deep or profound. It's just a really fun song to sing and to play and it brings a little hope and sunshine to my cloudy days and instantly improves my mood. Songwriting success. Way to go, Robin.

So Jason and I played this song and "Oh Little Forgotten," aka "My Sparrow Song." I wrote that one back in my junior year of college. It's loosely based on the Matthew 6:25-34 and 10:29-31 passages that tell us not to worry because God cares about us more than the sparrows and they do just fine. That's not really the tone of the song, but that's the basic message. The tone is more, "Stop being so scared. Get up out of your ashes. God has not forgotten you. He is here even now." It's a message I need to hear continually, and this song has been really helpful in reminding me of the truth of God's presence and love and provision and challenging me to believe He is here.

So back to the coffee house...Jason and I played these two songs. He played guitar on both and sang harmony for "O Little Forgotten." And it was the most fun I've had playing music since CMC. It all went so smoothly, and I didn't have to worry so much about my guitar playing or my vocal tone because Jason had my back. So I could just focus on the words of the songs and the truths they communicated. I could just sing those truths to my soul and enjoy being filled up with them.

We got quite a good reaction, which is always my least favorite part. (I never get nervous or start to shake until it's over.) But I was pleasantly surprised when several different people asked us if we play out often at other places. We do church stuff together but never stuff like this. So that was encouraging that we seemed like we did it all the time. And one guy even came up to me to tell me that "Don't Mess with Me" was the highlight of the last coffee house. I was completely floored by that...mostly that he remembered "Don't Mess with Me" and that I was the person who did it. That was way back in October!

So this is a very long post to say that I really enjoyed the February Kalos coffee house. I'm excited to see what the next theme is. I've decided I'm going to submit a song in addition to whatever else I do to see if that'll get me into the non-open-mic portion of the night. And I'll definitely be doing more of my music with Jason from now on. And I'm excited about "Run that Darkness Down." I wish you could hear it!!

Hot Chocolate

February was a long and dreary month. One day, I decided that the cure would be a nice mug of hot chocolate. So I mixed up my little powder and milk and hot water...and it just did not do the trick. It was simply not chocolatey enough. So I spent my final weekly make of the month trying to figure out the ultimate recipe for hot chocolate. I determined that I could only use ingredients I already had in my kitchen, and I set out for something a little richer.

For my first attempt, I melted a little bit of butter in a saucepan and added a quarter cup of chocolate chips. I melted those down and stirred in a half a cup of milk. I boiled some water separately and added it to my chocolatey goodness and finished it off with a little dash of cinnamon. The result was definitely richer than my package of powder variety. And the cinnamon was a nice touch on the back end of the flavor. But it tasted a good deal like liquid pudding. Which is fine if you like pudding. But it wasn't quite the flavor I had in mind.

So I sought out a little online help and found this recipe. Luckily, I had sweetened condensed milk on hand from sometime when I planned on making key lime tarts and did not follow through. At first, I was slightly grossed out by the idea of drinking condensed milk, but as it turns out, condensed milk is quite tasty.
(Disclaimer: I forgot to take a picture of my hot chocolate for you, so this is the picture taken from the recipe's website. You get the idea.)

This recipe was definitely better than my original attempt. But it still had a slightly puddingy flavor. I think it would probably be better if I used a higher quality cocoa. But my original vision was to melt actual chocolate for my hot chocolate. So I guess I am still on the quest.

If you have a stellar hot chocolate recipe, something smooth and yummy and not pudding-like, please do share! Especially if it includes melted chocolate. The weather is warming up this week, but I don't think there's ever a bad time for hot chocolate!

Secrets, secrets...

Alright, so it's been forever since I've posted anything. The reasons for this are many-fold. And although very few of them are resolved, I thought I'd do a little secret-unraveling today to get myself back in the game here.

1) My blog hates me. Literally. It was perfectly content being all conventional and dotty in its basic template. And then I got bored and spent hours and hours and hours searching through every website of blogger templates I could find. And I finally found the perfect one: FluidYellow. It was everything I wanted: colorful and happy but still mostly white, not klitchy or chaotic at all, pretty without being all "HEY!! LOOK AT ME!! I'M FLOWERY!!!," and a lovely shade of sunshine yellow. Just what I needed for the never-ending days of winter and never-spring here in New England. I figured out how to download the template and upload it and still keep my widgets in tact. And I was sooo proud of myself. And then the dates were all screwy. So I fixed those. And then I noticed my pictures were being text wrapped. Blex. So I enlisted help. But the code for this template is just not happy. So that didn't work. And then...all of the images in the template disappeared. Completely. Gone gone gone. No more sunshine yellow. No more little gray boxes around my widget headers. Nothing. Gone. So I did some research and found out that the host server of the images probably deleted them. So I found the template again and downloaded the images and uploaded them elsewhere and then went through the code and replaced all of the links to the pictures with my own new links. This took hours, folks. ow-ers. And it didn't work. So once again, I've gone back to the www to look for a blogger template that I like as much as FluidYellow, all the while holding it as my ideal that nothing can ever ever top. It's been...discouraging to say the very least. But I will not give up. I think that my blog is just rebelling against me because I went all change-crazy on it. But maybe if I start posting again, my blog will remember that we're friends and stop hating me. Please, blog darling??

2) My weekly make for the third week of February is a big secret that I can't post about yet. (NO I AM NOT PREGNANT.) I am super excited about it, and I think it turned out really well. But I just can't go all public with it for another few months. I will clue you in by the end of June at the latest. I promise. I know that's a long time to wait. Trust me. I know. So to clue you in just a little bit, I'll let you know that it was a writing project of sorts.

3) I thought I was way behind. And that made this (in addition to the rebellion and the really happy secret I can't tell you about) not a happy place at all. Since the big year mark...no, actually since Christmas, I've been a little drained of creative stamina. I've still been making things...puff oven pancakes, crochet motifs, a fort in the living room, hours upon hours of crocheting the granny square blanket. And in the midst of all that, I didn't think I had been keeping up with my "one make, start to finish, every week" structure. I was so discouraged by this that I thought about altering the structure of my blog. I would still be intentional about being creative, but I would set a time goal instead of a project goal. That way, I could make more big projects like blankets or clothes without the pressure to finish them in a week. I would do more in-progress posts. But I know myself. I know that my original design for this blog has been helpful for me. It's easy enough that I'm not overwhelmed and despairing, but hard enough that I am still challenged by it and motivated by the deadline. So I'm not changing it. And as it turns out, I wasn't even behind to begin with. Isn't that exciting? Once I reconsidered my little secret as a make, I was all caught up.

So that's it. Updates coming sometime this week from the last two weekly makes and a coffee house post, and we'll be back on track. And just so I don't have yet another post without a picture, here is an invitation for you:

When you're feeling just a little too silly to make anything else, make faces!

I'll Go

Two weeks ago was was my first make of my new year. (It seems that I'm not starting off the year with great timeliness in posting.) With that in mind, I felt a little pressure to be grandiose in what I chose to make. I wanted it to set the tone for a new year in which I would do bigger and better things that the year before. I also thought I should probably make something Valentine's Day oriented. I got a little stage fright knowing that (due to Jason's embarrassing promotional email--which he sent without my permission and much to my nausea-inducing chagrin) there are new people tuned into what I'm doing here. It's a pressure I hadn't experienced before in relation to this little happy place. I didn't feel up to it. I felt deflated, exhausted, embarrassed, and stressed out. To make matters even slightly more complicated, Jason and I were house-sitting. And that meant that whatever I was going to make, I would have to plan ahead and bring all of my materials and equipment with me. So that put sewing and cooking out of the question. I didn't want to bore you with yet another crochet motif, and I'm still working on the granny square blanket, which just might take me the rest of my life to finish. I didn't want to color or paint. And I wasn't inspired to felt or embroider anything. So where does that leave us?

Looking back over the past year, I was shocked to see that not a single song was included in my weekly makes. How could this be? Am I not a self-proclaimed songwriter? I wrote a poem. I wrote an essay. But not a single song. Enter identity crisis and crippling despair.

If you read my post on Hope, you know that I feel like music needs to be a part of whatever direction my life is taking. I didn't elaborate there, so I'll do so here. I hardly ever listen to music. Ever. I always have a song playing in my head, so I rarely feel the need to fill the quiet with music unless I am singing along to my own internal soundtrack. I think this is part of the reason I've always written songs, even when I was little. I would walk around outside, and I would sing about what I saw, whatever popped into my head. I did it for the joy of singing and expressing myself and praising my Creator. I did it to give release to my need for the dramatic, which I have always held inside of me. I did it out of a desire to make something up that wasn't there before. I formed the habit before music was quite so mobile. If I was going to have music with me all the time, I would have to make it myself. And I did. I've done it for as long as I can remember.

But over this past year of disciplined and regular creativity, I have not been writing songs. The reasons for these are long and boring and over-trudged. But one that I haven't really talked about is that I have always written from the whim of the moment. And for all those trudged-over reasons, I have not really been open to whims of the songwriting variety.

But open or not, music is a part of me. And it's something I would like to be reconciled to. So I've been listening to more music. I know that music has a great power for mood shifting, so I've been listening to my old Christian CDs. The good ones from back in the junior high/high school days when I used to buy Christian music: Caedmon's Call (self-titled), Skillet (Hey You, I Love Your Soul), Ginny Owens (Without Condition), Sonicflood (self-titled), etc. It's been really helpful to start my day on the way to work with songs about the goodness of God, the reality of my condition, the hope I have in Christ.

I decided that if I were going to start writing again, I would need to reject the snobbery of the hierarchy of subtlety over blatant Christian messaging in my music that I adopted back in the fall of 2005. And with the beginning of this new year of weekly makes, wanting to incorporate music, feeling impossibilities in every other medium, and knowing it was about time, I wrote a Jesus song.

I debated just telling you about it and not sharing it with you. Because I wanted my first week to be something grand and wonderful, and this is...well...not. I knew that my first serious attempt at songwriting in years would not hold the former brilliance I once possessed. I know this is not a good song. The rhymes are lazy. The lyrics don't take you anywhere from the beginning to the end. The structure is sloppy. The chords are boring. And the melody is cliche and stupid. For all accounts and purposes, I really don't like this song.

But. To hide it from you would be to deny the purpose of this blog, which is to include you in my creative journey. And to be an honest account, I must include my failures as well as my victories, the things I am proud of and the things I would rather not grace with my signature. I wish I could give you a song that expressed my current state with some greater magnitude and skill. But my songwriting muscles have atrophied, and I have a feeling that it will be a long journey back to where I used to be. In the mean time, there will be quite a few craptastic songs. And this is one of them:

I'll Go

My steps have been my own.
I've wandered far.
My feet have taken me
Deeper, deeper into the dark.

I am lost, and I can't see.
It's time that You take the lead

Chorus:
I'll go
Where you want me to go.
I'll follow if You'll lead.
Say that You'll lead me.
I'll stay
Where You tell me to stay.
As long as You keep on loving me,
I'll do it Your way.
I'll do it Your way.

I'm holding all my failures
With open hands.
I'm done with my excuses.
I'm out of plans.

I am tired, and I'm confused.
It's time to follow You.

(Chorus)

You are life, and You are light.
You are faithfulness and truth.
You are mercy. You are might.
I will ever trust in You.

(Chorus)

(Blogger doesn't have a way to upload sound clips, so you'll just have to imagine what it sounds like. Maybe that way you'll imagine it's better than it actually is.)

I think part of the problem is that even while I was writing this song, I knew it was a lie. I feel that even more blatantly now that I'm looking at it in retrospect and sharing it with "the world" as an expression of what's going on in my heart. The reality is that I am weary. And I have tried to direct my own steps, all the while thinking that I was being faithful to God's direction. I find myself without clear purpose or calling or identity, and I know now that part of the reason for that is that I have been fighting for everything that I want and motivated by the fear that I will never get any of it. I know now that God is for me, that He's been trying to show me that this life of fears and fighting will only wear me down. He wants to free me from the bondage I've created around my heart, the walls of protection I've made for myself that feel increasingly like a prison. I see all that now, and I am moving towards a place of trust, a place where I will be able to say, "I'll follow if You'll lead." But I'm not quite to the place where I can say, "I'll go where You want me to go. I'll stay where You want me to stay."

Perhaps the most honest line of this song is, "Say that You'll lead me." But if I am completely honest, that desire is speckled with, "Say where You'll lead me." And then I'll decide. Unfortunately, that is not generally the way that God works. He requires total surrender, total devotion, total trust, and then He shows You what's next. When God reveals His plans, it's generally not in the context of "Check yes or no." Once He's shown You, that's the path. I'm not going to get into the theological arguments behind this...all the sovereignty and predestination and free will nonsense. I only mean to say that until my heart is fully surrendered to God, the fact is that I don't really want to know what He wants. Because I'm scared that I won't want it, and where will that leave me? Alone. Further isolation and despair. Because once I have turned my back on God's plans, I am entirely abandoned to my own. And mine--when they are even existent--are pretty lousy. But in this lovely little agonizing state of limbo, I can pretend to want what God wants, all the while grasping the illusion of control.

So all that, in addition to the technical shortcomings of this song, is why this song isn't good. It's not honest. And honesty is my highest goal and virtue in the realm of songwriting. It is my barometer. And maybe that, more than anything else, is why I haven't been able to write songs in a long time. It has been years since I have had the eyes to see the honest state of my heart. It's a scary place at the moment. Too much regret, too many doubts, too many fears, too much uncertainty--the bad sort of uncertainty that steals away opportunities and blinds you to the possibility for a happy outcome. But if I'm going to be an artist of any kind, I can't be content to sew a couple seams and call it done. I need to go to the dark and scary places that stretch me beyond my current skill and past my safe boundaries. I need to start asking myself, "Is this honest?" And no, this song is not.

Unfortunately, I've never been a good editor of my own songs. I'm too emotionally connected to them to swing an axe where it needs to be swung. In my past life as a songwriter, I leaned heavily on initial inspiration for the quality of my work. I don't think this song has too much potential, so I didn't agonize over it too much. But if you have any ideas about how it can be better, I welcome your feedback. Unless your feedback is, "Robin, I love this song. It's the best song ever. You're so brilliant. Blah blah blah." Because this is not the caliber that I expect from myself, and it would not be helpful for me to have it reinforced, thus lowering my standards. So constructive criticism, come one, come all. Gushing is strictly forbidden.

Anniversary Giveaway!

In order to be eligible for this giveaway, all you need to do is to leave a comment on this post by February 20th. On the 21st, I will use a random number generator to determine the winner. And the winner will receive...

one custom Robin-made something
crafted especially for you!!!

If you'd like to direct my little project, feel free to tell me your favorite project from this past year, something new you think I should try, your favorite color, etc. Or you can just say, "Kudos" for my one year weekly making anniversary and leave it all up to my creative whims. Whatever you want to do. The ball is in your court. Comment away!

Thanks for stopping in to see my little corner of the universe now and then. Thanks for your encouragements and comments and happy thoughts. And thank you most of all for celebrating with me!

Woohoo for a full year of The Weekly Make!!!
------------------------------------------------------

My Random Number Generator picked the number 3, which means that:
Matt is the winner of The Weekly Make First Anniversary Giveaway! Congratulations, Matt!

Thanks so much to everyone for your comments and kind words. It was so fun to see comments pop up and to envision what I would make for you if you were the lucky winner. So very inspiring. I think I'll have to do more giveaways like this in the future. So for everyone who didn't win, I don't know when, but you'll get another chance. :o)

Year Gone By: Lessons and a List

This past week marks the 52nd week of The Weekly Make. That's right. A full year of intentional creativity. An entire 365 days when I have thought about putting my creative resources to good use and actually followed through to the completion of much creative goodness.

At the risk of sounding a little over-inflated (although this is my blog, so I guess I'm allowed a little pride now and then), let me just say that I am very impressed with myself. This is the first time in my life that I have ever set a self-imposed goal with no external drive, deadline, or authority, and have actually followed through. This is the very first time I have ever been truly self-disciplined and self-motivated with any sort of regularity. This is my first experience setting a long term goal for myself and then actually achieving it. Maybe that tells you a little something about what the rest of my life has looked like. Maybe not. It's not that I'm lazy. It's not that I haven't accomplished anything. I wouldn't say that The Weekly Make is the greatest achievement of my lifetime. But everything else that I've ever done for more than a week at a time has been the product of some external motivator. So to have completed a full year of weekly makes where I was only accountable to myself (and a handful of faithful readers)...it is no small thing. And I must say that I'm proud of myself. Way to go, Robin.

So I'm going to celebrate. And this celebration will have 3 parts:
1) What I Have Learned
2) What I Have Made, and
3) Another Giveaway (which I have put into a separate post because this one was too long for people to see it.)


What I Have Learned
This comes in three little parts of its own:
A) I do what I desire. Honestly, I think that's why I was able to get through this year without ever completely slacking off. Because I really want to make things and get better at making them. I have a deep, strong, ever-present desire to be creative.

B) When I don't have the energy to support my desire, I need a muse. I used to think that in my own power and personality, I had everything I needed to be a creative person. In small bursts, that's true. But over a long period of time, I need to go looking elsewhere for that spark. When I can't summon my imagination at will or conjure the necessary energy to create, I have a choice to make. I can either sink into myself in an endless downward spiral of despair, or I can look for help where it can be found. Inspiration is not something I have to conjure, and it is not something I have to wait for. I can go looking for it. And it really is all around me if I will just turn my eyes right side out and choose to be inspired by what is available to me.

C) Discipline is a necessary factor. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything. And on those days, I need to exercise discipline. It's a necessary fact. I've known this about writing--and I guess about all sorts of artistic expression--for a long time. But The Weekly Make is the first time I've really put it into practice. I made things when I didn't feel like making things because I knew that if I was disciplined, creativity would become a lifestyle rather than something I did now and then. Creativity is no longer just an abstract part of who I am. It has become a practical part of my life. And it's not governed solely by my whims or the chance of inspiration finding me. It's something that I make space for...something I expect from myself with regularity. I used to approach projects with big ideas, knowing that there was a good chance that even if I started, I probably wouldn't finish because I didn't have the skills to meet my vision. But now I have confidence that if I put the materials in my hands, I will be able to finish something that wasn't there before. Discipline is what gives me that power week after week.

So left-brained Robin has decided that my equation is as follows:
A Creativity Lifestyle = desire + inspiration + discipline

And with those things in place, I can do this. I can be the person I want to be. I can become more of who I am. And that is something to celebrate.


What I Have Made
Since the beginning of last year, I have kept a running list of the things I have made. Rather than making you scroll through my archives, it's all right here:

2009
February
Week 1: Disney World Purse
Week 2: Greek/Twilight/Stump Picture, Little Red Riding Hood Picture
Week 3: A New York Cheesecake, Mini Peanut Butter Cheesecakes, Raspberry Vinaigrette

March
Week 4: Rooster apron
Week 5: Wool felted balls, Chocolate Raspberry Bundt Cake
Week 6: Triptych
Week 7: Munchkin Cards

April
Week 8: Gryffindor Scarf and Hogwarts Pitcher
Week 9: Roots and Wings Drawing
Week 10: Pigwidgeon
Week 11: Menorahs
Week 12: Jason's birthday cake

May
Week 13: Mothers' Day Aprons (gardening, kitchen), Recipe Book
Week 14: Skip
Week 15: Spinning
Week 16: Tree Wall-hanging

June
Week 17: Sonnet for my Tree
Week 18: Chicken/Angel Hair/Parmesan Dinner, ChocRasp Bundt Cake, Upcycle Skirt
Week 19: Strawberry Jam and Strawberry Lemon Marmalade
Week 20: Amadeus

July
Week 21: Banana bread
Week 22: Wand
Week 23: Wand bag and Gnargle necklace for HPatHBP
Week 24: Banana bread, spaghetti sauce, clean dresser, switch rooms, pear plate
Week 25: Blanket and bumper for Molly

August
Week 26: Dying Wool
Week 27: Bacon Pasta Meal
Week 28: Crazy Quilt Project
Week 29: [Fabric Collage]

September
Week 30: [Pin Cushions]
Week 31: Parmesan Striper
Week 32: Angora Goats Contest Essay
Week 33: Apple Butter and Mango Salsa
Week 34: 2 Aprons for my mom

October
Week 35: More aprons, spinning
Week 36: Apple Butter
Week 37: Felted Pumpkin and Flower (<-- I didn't blog about that) Week 38: Felted Acorns, Horacio

November
Week 39: Felted Pumpkins, Acorns, Bernie and Henry, Designed Display, Made Sign
Week 40: Learned to crochet and felted another pumpkin
Week 41: 2 granny squares
Week 42: [started Megan's gnome and Amy's bag]

December
Week 43: sheep ornaments
Week 44: cathedral window light wall-hanging for Kalos
Week 45: headband special order, felted teddy bears, acorn ornament, josiah's hat, molly's bird, mom's camel, my headband
Week 46: dad's wall-hanging, jason's ornament, amy and megan's headbands [mom's apron]
Week 47: 5 slippers (megan and amy's plus one), finished cabinet

2010
January
Week 48: square crochet motif
Week 49: "hope" abstract/symbolic crayon drawing
Week 50: hexagon crochet motif
Week 51: Puff Oven Pancake

February
Week 52: [Granny Square Blanket]

Note: When things are in [ ]'s, it means that project was either done as a make-up for that week or is still not finished.

Wow. That took a long time to link. Looking back, I only had 2 weeks that I made up for during another week, 4 unfinished projects, and only one week that I skipped entirely. I'd say that's a pretty good record, don't you think?

It's kind of crazy to think that a year ago, I made my first solo-sewing project. I have so many more skills and resources now and so much more confidence. Looking at this list, I feel like I can do anything!!

Good Gracious, Granny

If there is any hope for me recovering from how much I hate the number 4, that hope is the granny square. Because until very recently, the very sight of a square (the physical manifestation of that unpleasant digit) was odious in my sight. It's okay if it's turned on its edge because then it's more like a diamond. In fact, when Jason and I were talking about engagement rings, I told him I wanted a princess cut diamond (of course) but that it had to be set like a diamond and not like a square. This was slightly problematic. It required a custom setting. And he even had the jeweler remove 4 diamonds so there would be two columns of 3 diamonds on each side of the center stone instead of 2 columns of 4. This is serious business, folks. It affects my life in a big way, this 4 factor. But like I said, if there is any hope, it is the granny square: that wonderful, deceptively simple, super-duper fun, basic, traditional crochet motif that has me thinking in squares morning, noon, and night.

For this past week's weekly make, I have made a granny square blanket. Okay, I guess I'm making it rather than have made it. It's quite a big project. And I'm not going to let you see it until it's done, because it will be more impressive that way. But I'll help you imagine it. Picture a granny square that just keeps going. Row after row after ever-increasing row until you have a big enough square to cuddle up in with a nice cup of [insert warm beverage of choice] and a good book. I got my inspiration from those lovely gals over at the purl bee. But my blanket looks nothing like this one...except that it's square...and uses the same stitches. But the color palate is completely different, and you'll just have to wait and be surprised. I'm really really hoping for a snow day tomorrow so I can finish it. [oh please oh please oh please please please] <-- notice I don't even say things in 4s. As I sat on the living room floor last night, stitching away, Jason took a break from Mario Kart to ask me what I think about as I do projects like this. He wondered if I have to think "stitch, stitch, stitch" the entire time. I told him that at that moment, I had "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship in my head, and I was trying to figure out how to finish the sheep on my mom's apron. I think I finally got it! No, probably not. :o/

(Sidenote: Check out this amazingly 80's music video for "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," complete with big hair, poor lip-syncing, and clips from Mannequin. Terrible movie. One of the greatest love songs of all time. End sidenote.)

There are some projects that do require me to pay careful attention to what I'm doing. But repetitive projects like this blanket allow my mind to wander a bit more, which is nice because when I'm thinking about something else, I'm surprised by the progress I make rather than counting down to the end of the endless row. Generally in the process of my makes, I think about what I'm going to blog about them. I try to remember little triumphs and defeats along the way. I try to focus on the process so that I can not only record the end result but also document how I got there and the lessons I learned along the way. I try to improve my skills and my speed and the efficiency of my hands as I work. I think about whether or not it would be practical to mass-produce whatever I'm making at the moment, how much I would charge for it, how I would stage the picture for my etsy shop (coming soonish) or display it at a craft show. I gauge my passion for what I'm doing. I try to decide whether I like it or not, if I would make it again, and what I would do differently next time. I think about where or how or by whom the object will be used. And occasionally I think about what God thinks about all my making. I think about how I am made in His image as a little creator. I try to invite Him into my projects so that He can be my companion in creating and occasionally my muse.

I really love creating. I love imagining new things and designing them so they're possible and actually making them with my hands. I think just the act of creating would be enough for me to be completely satisfied. But it's all these accompanying thoughts that really make me notice what I'm doing beyond just what I'm doing. They put the project into the broader perspective of how I am becoming a more creative person, or unearthing the creativity that has been there all along, waiting for me to learn the skills to finally be able to give it a voice. And that's what this blog is about. It gives me a framework to notice and follow through with my creative impulses and a stage where I can display them and invite others into the inner workings of my mind.

In my next post, I have quite a big announcement coming your way. I'm pretty excited about it. Okay, that's a lie. I'm pretty thrilled about it, in a "way to go, Robin" sort of way. Time to celebrate.